until I’m back in Ohio.  And by then I’ll have been in about 3000 places I’ve never been before.

I love Spain.

that makes me feel lonely and sucked dry of all life and energy.  Except at night when the lights are all twinkly and there’s a lot of nice darkness and I’m with my favorite family and we have a lot of laughter and reading and presents everywhere and way too much food that has way too much sugar.   And we argue about books a lot and make really rude jokes about Indiana and laugh obnoxiously in a nice way because our sister + husband live here and we love them, we just think they have poopy state-taste.  :)

So far in the past week since I’ve been on break I’ve read three books, had a sleepover, helped my mom finish sewing three dresses for my little sisters, went to two Christmas programs, made peppermint fudge and jam filled cream cheese cookies, ate an obscene amount of food, frolicked in the snow, went Christmas caroling, cleaned like a maniac, slept like a narcoleptic, missed people, saw people, talked with people, laughed with people, missed people some more… yeah.  
I couldn’t have planned it better. :)

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii love my family!  
The end.

with all finals and essays and staying up the entire night not even really studying, just talking with people and knowing we’re going to miss each other a lot and getting bleary eyed and annoyed that there are professors who expect us to actually get work done.

campus is deserted and it feels weird and lonely to be here without all the people
i have so much packing to do  
next time i take a class its going to be in spain
yes, i’m pretty excited.  

but first there’s all the fun Christmas and New Years and catching up with people stuff that needs to happen in the next two weeks.
i’m pretty excited for that too.  

however… right now the thing that makes me feel like crying from happiness is getting more sleep in one night than I have in most of the past week combined. :)

p.s. don’t feel sorry for me, i bring it all on myself.

three essays to read, three essays to write and four study guides to finish before thursday morning.

i am so on top of this.

EDIT:  someone just gave me half a pound of milk chocolate.  muahaha…

one month from now i’m going to be in spain 
and it is going to be the coolest thing that ever lived

the end

i feel so weird.  
and i smell like someone else  
i feel almost like i’m not real to myself  
and there’s a good chance that staying up all night and then sleeping till three thirty has something to do with that, haha.  
it was kind of neat walking down the sidewalk watching the sun set and feeling like it should only be ten in the morning.

i’m sitting in the chapel and there’s random tinkly christmas music playing and i reallyreally should be working on my paper for apologetics but i can’t find the energy to do anything but sit and feel and not think.

you were pretty amazing.

Last night after midnight when I was getting ready to go to bed I read some e.e. cummings and turned on You Are My Sunshine, because I wanted to start this year right.  And I think it worked!

I just wish I didn’t feel so dull and boring all the time lately.  
Maybe being 18 will help that, haha.  
I’m working a lot on not being so stupidly focused on myself all the time, it drives me crazy.   I like life and myself and everything so much more when I’m focused on Jesus and loving other people.

my eyes hurt a lot right now
and i feel all crumbly inside 

today is one of those amazingly beautiful fall days  

i’m sitting outside underneath a tree
which means i can hear the wind blowing through the leaves
and there’s sunshine everywhere
and i’m playing regina spekter  

yeah

i am sitting in the library being so lazy that i won’t get up to find a trashcan for my apple core, i’m just slowly eating the entire thing.  yes, it is that bad.  

today was the philosophy midterm that i thought happened on friday, which means that i didn’t study for it at all.  but it was open book, and i had enough time, so now it’s finished before i could even register that it was happening.  

i went to see Donald Miller speak last night at a church in a little city close to Toledo.  yes, he does talk exactly like he writes, and he’s a little dumpy and awkward looking but incredibly nice and he’ll be saying a bunch of wise and serious things and then throw in something completely goofy and giggle and it makes it really fun to pay attention to what he’s saying.