February 2010
1 post
I have three weeks left
until I’m back in Ohio. And by then I’ll have been in about 3000 places I’ve never been before.
I love Spain.
December 2009
6 posts
There's something about Indiana-
that makes me feel lonely and sucked dry of all life and energy. Except at night when the lights are all twinkly and there’s a lot of nice darkness and I’m with my favorite family and we have a lot of laughter and reading and presents everywhere and way too much food that has way too much sugar. And we argue about books a lot and make really rude jokes about Indiana and laugh...
finished!
with all finals and essays and staying up the entire night not even really studying, just talking with people and knowing we’re going to miss each other a lot and getting bleary eyed and annoyed that there are professors who expect us to actually get work done.
campus is deserted and it feels weird and lonely to be here without all the people i have so much packing to do next time i take...
five energy drinks and...
three essays to read, three essays to write and four study guides to finish before thursday morning.
i am so on top of this.
EDIT: someone just gave me half a pound of milk chocolate. muahaha…
one month from now i’m going to be in spain and it is going to be the coolest thing that ever lived
the end
i feel so weird. and i smell like someone else i feel almost like i’m not real to myself and there’s a good chance that staying up all night and then sleeping till three thirty has something to do with that, haha. it was kind of neat walking down the sidewalk watching the sun set and feeling like it should only be ten in the morning.
i’m sitting in the chapel and...
So long 17...
you were pretty amazing.
Last night after midnight when I was getting ready to go to bed I read some e.e. cummings and turned on You Are My Sunshine, because I wanted to start this year right. And I think it worked!
I just wish I didn’t feel so dull and boring all the time lately. Maybe being 18 will help that, haha. I’m working a lot on not being so stupidly focused on myself...
November 2009
3 posts
be still my heart
my eyes hurt a lot right now and i feel all crumbly inside
today is one of those amazingly beautiful fall days i’m sitting outside underneath a tree which means i can hear the wind blowing through the leaves and there’s sunshine everywhere and i’m playing regina spekter yeah
i am sitting in the library being so lazy that i won’t get up to find a trashcan for my apple core, i’m just slowly eating the entire thing. yes, it is that bad. today was the philosophy midterm that i thought happened on friday, which means that i didn’t study for it at all. but it was open book, and i had enough time, so now it’s finished before i could even register...
“Love for others must not remain only an abstraction.”
– Richard Perkins
October 2009
4 posts
Tuesday, October 27
Yes, I did forget to set my alarm and was feeling gross and slept until noon, which happened to be straight over my Sociology class.
Yes, I did spend four hours making some pretty words and calligraphy for someone and got paid for it.
(then spent an hour reading 1984 and two hours in a huge variety of really heated ethical discussions.)
.
.
And at 12:30 a.m. I was at Arby’s eating...
i cannot stop being hungry. and i really don’t like food right now.
.
no, i don’t know how that works. yes, it’s making me feel a little miserable.
or maybe it’s just all the gummi bears inside of me making me feel miserable…
one month ago
i was a week from being a college student.
now =
a super comfy couch
pretty coffee shop music
a chapter of apologetics to read
an essay for sociology to write
so many new thoughts and ideas in my head
an incredibly delicious icy drink called ‘vanilla sky’
people i like a lot and didn’t even know three weeks ago
.
.
i’m glad i get to change this way. :)
September 2009
7 posts
yesterday was one of those days where i was just about to explode from self frustration.
i hate it when i can feel the limits of my mind. i just want to rip it open and make sure that it absorbs and remembers all of the important things i’m learning and inevitably forgetting.
i wish that i cared less about some of the ridiculous shallow things i care about and more about the good and true...
it’s strange having a life where there are always people to hang out with and things to do.
strange. but nice.
i miss laziness a little bit.
college
i’m starting to actually know people
the library is incredibly cold
i can’t wait for classes to start
there’s a beta fish in my room
.
i can deal with this. :)
i should probably pack.
but when i lie here in bed listening to pretty music and watching silly videos sometimes my little brother crawls up beside me and lays his head on my shoulder.
i just don’t think college really has anything on that. :)
.
.
before today is over, i’m going to have some new friends.
that excites me.
i'm in indiana
at Landon and Marina’s apartment. on my laptop. muaha.
the end.
:)
jewish rap is the most fun to dance to ever.
i wish i actually knew how to dance.
I got my class schedule today.
I’m so tired and sore that I’m not sure I can move.
The moon tonight was incredibly gorgeous.
My emotional energy is about a zero right now. I have a massive food baby from today.
Some really squeezy best friend hugs right now would be the best thing ever.
.
P.S. my big toe just started hurting really badly. i’m so confused.
August 2009
7 posts
i think i learned a lot today. i feel different and more than when I woke up this morning. it’s trying really hard to be overwhelming and i’m trying really hard to not let it be. or to let it be overwhelming in the way that makes me remember it, not in the way that makes me shut down. these feel like important things to know, and this feels like the right place to be, even when it...
i've become too fascinated
with the idea of being blind. how it would be to not be able to judge people by their outside appearances.
.
.
now i’m starting to do weird things like go to the bathroom in the dark and shower with my eyes closed.
i wonder if psychologists have a word for this. :p
my youth group is silly enough to watch poorly made, hallmark-ish movies for bible study.
but after the movie a lot of us spent the next several hours arguing about Star Wars.
it helped restore the balance of the universe, haha. tomorrow i will paint. i will, i will, i will.
You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine...
This was pretty much the nicest day I’ve had all month.
There was a really nice boy named Henry in the coffee shop who sang made up songs and not-made-up-songs and played his guitar the entire time we were there.
And the view from the roof was really pretty.
And it was just one giant win.
i have one month till school starts
and a lot of sketchbook to fill. i just reserved Slaughterhouse Five and High Fidelity at the library. it’s going to be a good month.
today was a kind of strange day. sally drove me home around nine-thirty and we talked about mexico and college. it’s strange the good friends that you only see about once a year and don’t talk with much in between, there’s a funny moment that’s kind of like rediscovering where they fit. it was pretty lovely, she’s one of those people that’s just kind of...
I didn't go to bed last night
i sat next to my open window and listened to The Age of Rocket’s and Paper Route and drew in my old sketchbook with my new pencils.
July 2009
2 posts
I watched Fight Club last night with Leighanna.
That’s all.
June 2009
4 posts
i don't know
if it’s all insomnia, or part insomnia and part stubborn. because i don’t want to go to bed like i always do and wake up in the morning/afternoon like i always do and wander through my day wishing i had the motivation to do everything i think of doing.
there’s a girl i met once, the friend of a friend. she has cancer and i can’t stop thinking about it. and i am praying.
It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed so hard. I think we should probably change High St’s name to Memory Lane. With just a few too many trips down it.
“i haven’t quite figured out my purpose yet”
– Colin Rigsby: I’ll Be Coming Home
May 2009
6 posts
Maybe being a Jewish rapper makes him more interesting to listen to?
Or maybe it’s the part about lying on the floor late at night with people I like wearily finishing up the corsages and the way that the bright light kind of made your energy disappear that made the music so pretty.
My sister’s getting married today. :D
This morning at Wal-Mart I stopped in the arts-ish aisle to pet a box of pastels that I really wanted to buy and experiment with. I even convinced myself as far as an aisle away before the tiny responsible part of my brain shouted at me that I can’t afford that stuff right now and I need to save my money for other things. I tried not to sigh too hugely when I put them back.
Later today I...
i'll be afraid no more
this afternoon I curled up in bed in my long sweater underneath of a thick blanket because of feeling cold and tired and the world being too noisy and crowded and garish.
i woke up a couple of times and thought about how pretty leaves are against the sky.
and had vivid dreams
and felt how warm my blood was getting
and listened to my heartbeat being slow
and when I finally crawled back out...
may 13
:
And I’m pretty sure I’d punch myself in the face if I didn’t use my one fluffy little life to do something cool that I actually want to do. Screw it, you might as well find something worthwhile that you enjoy. I’m tired of hearing how certain careers don’t make money or don’t have a future, or the look on some peoples’ faces when they ask what I’m actually going to do with art once I learn it....
Tonight I had a graceful plop onto the floor and just stayed there looking at the ceiling for ten minutes.
It’s the kind of tired where you drink five cups of water every half hour and it leaves a bland taste in your mouth and after you start doing something you keep going not so much because you want to and more becuase it’s just easier to keep doing it then to stop.
The kind of...
April 2009
1 post
"what might have been lost..."
Bon Iver and warm nights with cool fans make 2 a.m. a little less bloodshot and a lot more magical.